The Deep Dark Pit of Despair

The not so fun part of the creative journey!

A while ago, I was at a low point in my artistic career. I had spent the last five years developing my graphic novel series Bird & Squirrel into a television series for Cartoon Network, which, believe it or not, actually got the green light into production only to have the plug pulled on it thirteen weeks later after a company-wide management change. I was devastated.

Then the first book in my new graphic novel series, Agent 9, was released in the middle of the Covid pandemic when bookstores were closed and schools weren't in session. The publisher quickly abandoned their marketing plans, and the sales they expected never materialized. They told me they would shift all the promotions to the second book when it came out, but that didn't happen either. I was even more devastated. I put everything I had into making these books the best they could be, and it still seemed like it wasn't enough.

And then, as if those two things weren't bad enough, Scholastic decided that my seventh Bird & Squirrel book would be a good place to end the series. I suddenly found myself with no book projects under contract. Plus, I somehow blamed myself for everything that had happened. Negative thoughts filled my brain; "My show was canceled because I wasn't good enough." "Agent 9 didn't sell because I created it." "It's all my fault." "There must be something wrong with me."

My self-confidence, which was never very high, took a nose dive. I wrote several new stories during this time, but I didn't have faith in any of them. I started to second-guess all of my choices. I thought they were all crap because I had created them. I thought my book-making career was over. I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped running and started eating lots of comfort food. I gained weight and felt even worse about myself.

So I gave up, and that's the end of the story. No, I’m kidding. Keep reading!

Thankfully I'm too stubborn to give up. After wallowing in my self-loathing for a month or two, I decided to dive back into creating new book ideas but this time without the negative self-talk. I started reading "On My Own Side" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura. It's a book about transforming self-criticism and doubt into permanent self-worth and confidence. It's a bit wordy, and I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I found some excellent tips that helped me be kinder to myself while powering on in pursuit of new creative endeavors.

Several things started to happen around this time. The biggest was that schools were back in session, and I got invited to do some in-person author events. I love doing school events. I packed my bag and hit the road. Visiting schools and seeing all the excited kids who love my books was the positive slap in the face I needed. My books were helping these kids get through some of the strangest years of their lives. And guess what? They loved Agent 9!

I returned home, recharged, and excited to make new books. I started creating a new graphic novel series which I was super-excited about, and thankfully my agent loved it too! She wanted to send it out to publishers as soon as I had everything ready. I wrote several story ideas for future books in the series and a longer outline for the first one, which I ended up completely roughing out. I finished a few spreads so that the publishers could see how the finished art would look, and off it went on submission. I did my best to keep my expectations super low. After all, I was still weary of failure.

Then something incredible happened. I received an offer to illustrate a picture book. It had been several years since my last illustration project, and this was completely unexpected. I read the story, thought it was funny, and immediately said yes. It looked like my book-making career wasn't quite dead yet.

And then something else happened, I got an offer to illustrate a series of three picture books. I was over the moon! I had gone from having no book projects to suddenly having four! (Unfortunately, I had to walk away from this project last week because of, let’s say, "creative differences." I talk about some of those differences in my previous post called "Frustrating Frogs.”)

But remember that new graphic novel series that my agent had sent out on submission? Well, it got its fair share of rejections, but it also got a three-book offer from a publisher! (More about this after the official announcement is released.) I couldn't believe it! I was beyond excited and so very happy. Things were looking up.

I don't want you to think I'm telling all this to brag because I'm definitely not. I'm telling this to show that even when things look like the worst they'll ever be and career opportunities look bleak, don't lose hope! Because it can all change overnight. All it takes is one person to love what you create. One person to see your artwork online and decide it's perfect for the project they're working on. One person to say Yes! So whatever you do— DON’T GIVE UP! Keep putting yourself out there and know that you're not alone.

If you’re interested in picking up a copy of one of my books here’s a link to bookshop.org. https://bookshop.org/shop/jamesburks Or better yet pick one up at your local indy bookseller.

You can also visit my website to find information on booking an author visit or other book related event. www.jamesburks.com